Sugar high

[coffeesnob318]

Dear Jessica,

I enjoy reading your column in the Dallas Morning News Quick. However, I have one complaint.

Having barely recovered from the chocolate coma from Valentines Day, I am now craving Cadbury Creme Eggs. The scary yolky part always freaked me out too much to enjoy them until last year, when I finally gave in to The Draw of the Egg. It was a long time coming, but it was worth the wait. A wait that I have endured with grace and dignity thus far this year.

And then I read your article. I began salivating. I audibly purred at the mere thought of them, causing the people in the lobby where I work to fret about my mental stability. I have bound and gagged the angel on my right shoulder with duct tape.

You should know that I blame you. I also thank you, because even the thought of the Creme Egg is glorious.

Sincerely,
coffeesnob

Her article entitled "Let the Creme-smeared orgy begin"

"Valentine's Day is over, and now chocolate in heart-shaped boxes is 50 percent off.

But we do not care! We spit upon Valentine's Day candy!

Because what is new in stores for a limited time is so much better than Godiva, so superior to Ghirardelli, so crazily anticipated for almost a year, that we cannot think of anything else.

Welcome back, Cadbury Creme Egg!

Welcome back, chocolate shell with creepy yolk inside that will never become a chocolate chicken because I am going to eat you.

Welcome back, foil covering that is sticky and hard to take off so you end up chomping down on foil and it hurts but you do not care because your mouth is filled with sugar.

Welcome back, heartburn and obesity.

I am so happy I could cry tears of joy that would make tracks of cleanliness through the chocolate slathered across my face.

And this year, I'm going to be smart and buy enough Creme Eggs to get me through the long Eggless months.

To be honest, this is a plan that did not work last year. It's just hard to estimate exactly how many Creme Eggs one realistically needs, and my supply ran out in April. Or perhaps March. Late February? In any case, a tad short of the 12 months planned.

So this year, I will put them in the freezer so they have to thaw out before I can eat them without breaking my teeth. Then I will dole them out at the rate of approximately one per week. About 300 should be enough, taking emergencies into account.

I will be tempted over the months, I know. The little devil on my left shoulder will whisper, 'Jessica. Give me a [very bad word] Creme Egg. Satan compels you.'

But then the angel on my right shoulder will say, 'No, Jessica. Don't eat all the Creme Eggs in one Creme-smeared orgy. You'll be sorry tomorrow.'

'Shut up, angel on my right shoulder,' I'll say, and fling open the freezer.

Then I will wake up in a puddle of melted chocolate. The devil will be passed out, using a broken chocolate shell as a pillow. The angel will be sobbing quietly as it tries to extricate itself from a pool of goo.

Sigh. It's no use. I might as well face it: I will never have enough Eggs.

So I'd better stock up on some of that half-off Valentine's Day candy, too.

And hippo birdy :) to ravenluvslex!!!

Comments

ROFLTO!

[lilmouse1073.livejournal.com]

OMGoodness that was just way to good! Thank you so much for sharing! What a great way of putting it!

Re: ROFLTO!

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

She's hilarious. I actually emailed her about her article, and she replied that the duct tape was a good idea and, as an added bonus, the leftover tape could be used to perform the do-it-herself gastric bypass that she'd need to combat the weight gain from all the candy. She's my favorite.

Re: ROFLTO!

[lilmouse1073.livejournal.com]

Oh that is just perfect! LOL*