Sugar high

[coffeesnob318]

Dear Jessica,

I enjoy reading your column in the Dallas Morning News Quick. However, I have one complaint.

Having barely recovered from the chocolate coma from Valentines Day, I am now craving Cadbury Creme Eggs. The scary yolky part always freaked me out too much to enjoy them until last year, when I finally gave in to The Draw of the Egg. It was a long time coming, but it was worth the wait. A wait that I have endured with grace and dignity thus far this year.

And then I read your article. I began salivating. I audibly purred at the mere thought of them, causing the people in the lobby where I work to fret about my mental stability. I have bound and gagged the angel on my right shoulder with duct tape.

You should know that I blame you. I also thank you, because even the thought of the Creme Egg is glorious.

Sincerely,
coffeesnob

Her article entitled "Let the Creme-smeared orgy begin"

"Valentine's Day is over, and now chocolate in heart-shaped boxes is 50 percent off.

But we do not care! We spit upon Valentine's Day candy!

Because what is new in stores for a limited time is so much better than Godiva, so superior to Ghirardelli, so crazily anticipated for almost a year, that we cannot think of anything else.

Welcome back, Cadbury Creme Egg!

Welcome back, chocolate shell with creepy yolk inside that will never become a chocolate chicken because I am going to eat you.

Welcome back, foil covering that is sticky and hard to take off so you end up chomping down on foil and it hurts but you do not care because your mouth is filled with sugar.

Welcome back, heartburn and obesity.

I am so happy I could cry tears of joy that would make tracks of cleanliness through the chocolate slathered across my face.

And this year, I'm going to be smart and buy enough Creme Eggs to get me through the long Eggless months.

To be honest, this is a plan that did not work last year. It's just hard to estimate exactly how many Creme Eggs one realistically needs, and my supply ran out in April. Or perhaps March. Late February? In any case, a tad short of the 12 months planned.

So this year, I will put them in the freezer so they have to thaw out before I can eat them without breaking my teeth. Then I will dole them out at the rate of approximately one per week. About 300 should be enough, taking emergencies into account.

I will be tempted over the months, I know. The little devil on my left shoulder will whisper, 'Jessica. Give me a [very bad word] Creme Egg. Satan compels you.'

But then the angel on my right shoulder will say, 'No, Jessica. Don't eat all the Creme Eggs in one Creme-smeared orgy. You'll be sorry tomorrow.'

'Shut up, angel on my right shoulder,' I'll say, and fling open the freezer.

Then I will wake up in a puddle of melted chocolate. The devil will be passed out, using a broken chocolate shell as a pillow. The angel will be sobbing quietly as it tries to extricate itself from a pool of goo.

Sigh. It's no use. I might as well face it: I will never have enough Eggs.

So I'd better stock up on some of that half-off Valentine's Day candy, too.

And hippo birdy :) to ravenluvslex!!!

Comments

[blaire23.livejournal.com]

lmao! i feel the same way. and i love that she said one per week when there are 52 weeks a year yet she needs 300. in case of emergencies.

mmmm, cadbury. how i miss your melty creepy yolky filling.

mmmm

k, now i'm going easter candy shopping.

i'd hate to see the look on ivy's face if she spots me with an egg and tries to take it away, i totally turn into gollum. "PRESSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHUS!"

yes, my child will be whacked out by the time she's old enough to appreciate The Egg.

Also, i was wondering if this person who wrote this is online and if so, where do you find her articles? i thoroughly enjoyed this one. :)

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

She is a blogger for the Dallas Morning News. You can go to their site - http://www.dallasnews.com/ - and type in Jessica Burgess in the search, and it will lead you to some of her articles.

Here's one on the horror of contact lenses:

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/fea/solutions/stories/DN-NSO_carpool_0123liv.ART.State.Edition1.9132d36.html

[xica-s.livejournal.com]

Yes! Welcome to the dark side! I live for this time of year because Cadbury Eggs are my favorite candy in the history of the world (second favorite? Its snooty cousin, the vanilla/choc. truffle egg from Godiva). I actually saw them first popping up right after Christmas which made me happy and sad. Happy because they seem to show up earlier and earlier each year, and sad because...well I'm pretty sure all the fat in my left thigh came from eating those things.

[calledisrael.livejournal.com]

oh MY i love them so very much. they are my favorite, the GLORIOUS yolky part... :-) one lent i gave up chocolate. my boyfriend at the time (we were in college) bought me a cadbury egg every few days and put them in a big glass jar so that we had a big stash for after easter. we came home that year after easter church and just laid in the grass outside the dorm and ate a dozen. ahhh...

i knew that i liked you. :-)

[weemumlessmngrl.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I can't wait until later this month, then. I crave those damn eggs year round.

[gradeafan.livejournal.com]

Cadburry cream eggs huh? ~bleh~ I don't much see the appeal....

PEEPS on the other hand...

g

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

Ew!! Those little marshmallow things with faces?!? *shudders*

To each her own. Your side of the brain can have the Peeps. I'll stick to the Creme Eggs.

Here's the test - how do you feel about the Robin's Eggs? They are my all-time favorite Easter candy.

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

*gurgles* Truffles....mmmm....

Yeah. Gonna have to run extra hard this weekend to undo the damage I've done this week.

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

Oh, my. A dozen Creme Eggs at once. Add a cup of coffee, and that's pretty much what I imagine Heaven must be like. *drools*

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

Clear out space in the freezer!

[nonnierms.livejournal.com]

I had a serious Cadbury egg craving later in my pregnancy when they were not to be found. I thought about the destruction of the company in retaliation for not having eggs available when i needed them RIGHT NOW. Instead, I had some watermelon..............

Damn. now I want a cadbury. My mom used to get me one every year. I lived for that egg. I dreamed of that egg. I wanted that egg SO BAD. I remember one year there was enough extra money for two eggs--i thought I'd died and gone to heaven :p mmmmmmmmmm........eggs.............

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

Mmm...eggs. I believe that I really need one before I go to bed. Yeah. Because that won't keep me up or anything.

I would never eat them as a kid. My mom kept trying to convince me that they were good, but the yolk freaked me out. Just goes to prove - Mom knows best.

[gradeafan.livejournal.com]

Robin's Eggs....yep my all-time favorite Easter candy too....better even than chocolate bunny ears...

g

[ravenluvslex.livejournal.com]

Really? those gooey things that look like someone filled a chocolate egg w/ some sort of bodily drainage? I just can't imagine.

Of course I've never actualy tried one.

Peeps are also gross.

Robins eggs, eh ok.

*giggle* Hippo Birdy *is even more giddy than usual*

Thank you

[nonnierms.livejournal.com]

Peeps are the things that freaked me out. I was too young to realize how freaky the yolk was on teh cadbury the first tiem I had some of one. By the time I was old enough to be conscious of the fact that the yolk was freaky, I was already hooked. heh. But then again, under the age of five, kids will eat pretty much anything if it looks gross enough so just hook em before that age and they're goners.......;)

ROFLTO!

[lilmouse1073.livejournal.com]

OMGoodness that was just way to good! Thank you so much for sharing! What a great way of putting it!

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

Mmm...bunny ears...

Yay! You love Robin's Eggs! The world in our brain makes sense again.

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Not a fan of the Peeps. Marshmallows, I like. But I try not to eat any candy with a face.

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

That settles it. You must have a Creme Egg the next time I see you.

If you don't like the original, they also make chocolate truffle Creme Eggs, which are equally amazing.

I agree with the Peeps thing. And I even like marshmallows.

Re: ROFLTO!

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

She's hilarious. I actually emailed her about her article, and she replied that the duct tape was a good idea and, as an added bonus, the leftover tape could be used to perform the do-it-herself gastric bypass that she'd need to combat the weight gain from all the candy. She's my favorite.

[nonnierms.livejournal.com]

anything with eyes is bad :p

Re: ROFLTO!

[lilmouse1073.livejournal.com]

Oh that is just perfect! LOL*