coffeesnob318 | Cry for Mercy

I'm reading a lot of Nouwen these days - most recently, his book of prayers when he was with the Genesee. Part of one of them really expresses a lot of where I am right now. And when I thumbed through to find it so that I could share it with you, I noticed that it was the entry he wrote on my birthday. Interesting.

Excerpt from the March 18 entry of A Cry for Mercy -

"It seems as if I am standing on one side of a huge canyon and see how I should grow toward you, live in your presence and serve you, but cannot reach the other side of the canyon where you are. I can speak and write, preach and argue about the beauty and goodness of the life I see on the other side, but how, O Lord, can I get there? Sometimes I even have the painful feeling that the clearer the vision, the more aware I am of the depth of the canyon.

"Am I doomed to die on the wrong side of the abyss? Am I destined to excite others to reach the promised land while remaining unable to enter there myself? Sometimes I feel imprisoned by my own insights and 'spiritual competence.' You alone, Lord, can reach out to me and save me. You alone.

"I can only keep trying to be faithful, even though I feel faithless most of the time. What else can I do but keep praying to you, even when I feel dark; to keep writing about you, even when I feel numb; to keep speaking in your name, even when I feel alone. Come, Lord Jesus, come. Have mercy on me, a sinner. Amen."