Wondering

[coffeesnob318]

Lately, I've found myself wondering if there's a woman out there who has a life that she hates. Who is married but feels trapped and doesn't want to be married anymore to this man who is so different from her (he refuses to be still! Can she just get some time to catch her breath, please?). Who owns property that she rents out at a price lower than its market value because she feels that she should because it's a nice thing to do or because her husband is addicted to mercy, not because she really loves to do it. Or maybe she's an attorney - defender of the people. Or a writer with an impressive library. Who would love to have a job (or two!) where she can just go - clock in and out - and then leave without it following her home. Who is debt free and uses the money she used to budget for her student loan payment to travel. Who wishes she could take her vacations alone just to have a spare moment for herself. Or maybe she could just get a cute little apartment and have lots of moments for herself. Who has a little girl (perhaps her name is Georgia) who loves to play in the dirt and watch things grow. Who is exhausted from cleaning muddy fingerprints off FREAKIN' EVERYTHING. Who is thankful for close friends to lunch and brunch with when she's not busy saving the world. Who lies awake at 4:00 a.m., listening to her husband snore, and wishes that she also had a close friend awake at that hour whom she could call to talk about all these feelings that she's not supposed to be having.

Who longs to go but stays because she is scared to confront the person she fears leaving will make her.

I want to meet her. I want to ask her about her life - the ups and the downs. I want to tell her that it's ok.

I'd also like to see if she would mind switching.

I think it would be a fair trade. We each have good things to offer in a life. We both have great friends. I'd even let her keep hers. You know, if I could keep mine. She can't have them all. And my apartment is adorable and, more importantly, completely mine. We both have made choices that have certain advantages. But we both also feel weighed down by the disadvantages and troubled by the increasing realization that our souls don't quite fit the lives we have.

I believe that we could help each other out.

She longs for freedom and autonomy. She wants to drink too much coffee because it's all right if she stays up all night reading chick lit. She wants to go clubbing without having to find a babysitter (hell - she wants to do anything without having to find a babysitter). She wants a simple job (or two!) that doesn't consume her entire life. She wants to have time to blog.

I long for a husband with downright idealistic convictions. I want a job (or two!) that I consider a passion, not just a fun place to do time. I want to go to Italy without having to live like a refugee while I'm there. I want Georgia to crawl into my lap and tell me how she got her clothes stained with grass (probably the same way mine are stained with coffee - with much love). And when I can't sleep in the middle of the night, I want to have someone to cuddle (...etc.) with. Even if he snores.

Where is she? And is she wondering where I am?

Comments

[myras-girls.livejournal.com]

I suppose this entry was rhetorical but I could swear you were describing Tori Amos. Have you heard the new album? Perhaps there is some comfort for you in music.

[(Anonymous)]

I am here. But you would not want to trade with me.