coffeesnob318 | Feb. 13th, 2004

Every year at this time, I seek an outlet to express my singleness. In years past, I've enjoyed the company of the Performance Interest Group at UNT, who gather to give Anti-Valentines Day performances, but I work when they meet, so I was unable to attend (and I have such a great performance art piece, too...ah, well, maybe next year). So, lucky you, you get to be my audience this year.

This is one of the old standby performances. Those of you smack dab in the middle of a gushy, oozy, satisfying relationship - feel free to move on, lest your gushiness be spoiled by my angst. Everyone else....read on, enjoy, and feel free to add to it.

Why Valentines Day should be banned:

1. VD can stand for both Valentines Day and venereal disease. Coincidence? I think not.
2. It gives exes, whom you were certain that you were forever rid of, lame excuses to get back in touch with you. Burn, bridges, burn.
3. It creates needless strife in otherwise happy relationships when someone doesn't get exactly what s/he thinks s/he ought to get.
4. It's one more way to allow consumerism to take over our lives.
5. It's one more way to remind me how poor I am because I can't afford to give even little presents to all those people who touch my life (so, for all of you on my f-list, virtual kisses and hugs).
6. It increases the already insane demand for loads of chocolate at very cheap prices, thus tempting large American corporations to screw cocoa farmers out of fair prices for their crops.
7. It sends the message that you only have to act like you love someone once a year.
8. It's an attempt to alienate single people from their coupled friends.
9. It makes me want to drink heavily and go home with strangers. Relax...I won't...
10. It makes me want to write lists like this, spoiling everyone else's good time. Then again, you were warned.
_____________________

On a lighter note - ode to my own funny valentine - I present to you one of my favorite passages from Pamela Ribon's Why Girls Are Weird (seriously love that book). This is from her "Poems for the Love-Challenged" entry.

The warmth
In my mouth.
That rush
Through my veins
Making my heart race
My pulse quicken
My head -
Just a bit dizzy.
My legs -
Just a bit numb.
My tongue
Yearns for more
More of you
Right now.
Now.
I can't wait anymore.
This is torture.
Seriously.
I'm in hell
Waiting for you.
I just want to shout
To this giant crowd of people
"How hard is it to make a latte, fuckers?"
I love you, coffee.