Poor nice guys...

[coffeesnob318]

I like nice guys. I really, really do. There is intrinsic value for me in a guy being nice for nice's sake - not because he wants something but just because that's who he is. I even have enough idealism left over from grad school to believe that this is possible.

Having said that...I'm really drawn to jackasses.

I can't help it. And, before you roll your eyes and stuff me into a box, it's not the typical girls-like-bad-boys thing. It's not the same. Bad boys can be nice sometimes, and good boys can still be jerks.

I'm rambling, and only somewhat coherently. I blame the DayQuil. Let me back up.

Tonight in class, I discovered that the only names I remembered from last week (of the guys anyway - I remembered all the girls...all five of them...very male-centric class, this one) were the ones who pissed me off. The ones who heard my "be respectful" spiel and seemed to take it as a challenge to see how far they could push the envelope. The odd thing is, I remember them fondly.

I was commenting on this phenomenon to another instructor during the break, and she said something to the effect of "don't waste your time trying to change them, because they'll never change."

I was confused. I responded by telling her that I don't want them to change. That I like them just the way they are.

She was confused. I can't say that I blame her. I mean, it's generally accepted that to be nice is preferable to being...not nice, right?

I qualified my stance a little by saying that it might be different if they were my friends or a person I was considering dating - that I would want them to treat me politely. Then, I paused long enough to take a breath and launched right into disagreeing with myself on that point as well. Sugarcoating annoys me. I hate feeling as if I'm being "handled," and I don't know anyone who does it well enough to do it without me picking up on it. I want people to say what they have to say, and I don't trust them if they take too long to get to it. And while I appreciate charm as a skill, I can't really take it seriously. Even in my personal life I prefer brutal honesty to diplomacy. So behavior that others may interpret (and rightfully so) as being tactless, arrogant or just mean-spirited, I actually prefer to the probable alternative - not knowing what they're really thinking.

Yes, I said all of this to her. Out loud. In monologue fashion (or dialogue, if you count me and the voice in my head as two). She looked like she wanted to run away a little bit.

I still blame the DayQuil.

I value honesty. I would rather a person be honest than polite. And while "nice" and "honest" are not always mutually exclusive, sometimes they are.

Comments

[chicklet73.livejournal.com]

Ahhhh...the joy of DayQuil inspired philosophy...

*g*

Truth be told, I agree with quite a bit of this. At least in theory. Sometimes in practice, I have to remind myself that just because someone's speaking the truth, or their truth to me, that they're not meaning it as a personal attack or a deliberate attempt to wound me. But yes, I think we'd all be waaay better off if we put more stock in, and practiced more honesty.

Crap. Did someone put some sort of medication into my coffee?

*shuts up*

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

Coffee is its own medication.

[ravenluvslex.livejournal.com]

I have a similar affection for jerks.

I don't think it's the same though. Mine stems from my desperate need for male attention and some soulamte type person who will fix me and my life at the same time I am fixing them and there life just by loving them enough. These have subsided somewhat since my being saved and God willing I expect they'll continue to get ebtter. But I'm still drawn to the emotionaly/socialy incompetant because I can relate.

I think we've had this honesty coversation before. I thin I was plannin got say soemthing honest/creepy to someone and we decided that while we apriciate such honsety waht's his name probably would have been creeped out.

You very entertaining w/ your day-quill. Do you feel better yet? Cause I went a bought a bunch of soup to eat at work cause I've been craving it for you, but for me, all week.

I can't blame thsi on day-quill instead I blame Provigil.

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

I feel a little better. It's funny - whenever someone asks me that, I inevitably have a coughing fit right after squeaking, "yes," and they look at me like I've grown a second head. So better, but still with coughing.

[lilmouse1073.livejournal.com]

First, you are way to funny sometimes on Day quil. Second I do agree with you. Though tact / politness does have it's place. THere are ways of telling someone something without being mean or brutual about it. I hate sugar coating as well, though *hangs head* have done it on some occasions, though not intentionally. The rare occasions it happens it's because the other person looks like they are going to get all emotional and it werids me out. *shudders*

No, I agree. Only those people that email / call or I am with that can be down right honest I appreciate the most. Even if I have done something that they don't like, said something that bothered them, whatever!! I like it more when they just something that sulk, hide and act all *victim* on me.

Okay, well... need to get my homework done.

Hugs and Love ..Me!

[coffeesnob.livejournal.com]

I'm not opposed to tact. I encourage it, even. I think it's a necessary people skill. Some people, though, overdo it so much that I'm standing there thinking, "Quit qualifying what you're going to say and get on with it!"

Patience is not a virtue that I necessarily possess. :)