I'm glad you brought this up. Now I get to vent to people who understand about a complaint that one of my ftf friends has been making about me (not to me, mind you. No, actually addressing it to me would require some level of maturity beyond that of a fourth grader). She called a mutual friend the other day to complain that I don't seem to have time for her since I moved (it hasn't even been a week, and I've spent no less time with her than I usually do). Apparently, my silence is deafening. So I called her to soothe her hurt feelings, and was bombarded with a 30-minute spiel on how I don't ever think of anyone but myself. Of course I don't. That's why I was late to work because I took time to call her to make sure she was ok with something that wasn't even important enough for her to address to me personally. Grr....I hate projection.
He used to put up letters to his fans. Now he doesn't. And I saw a few break out with comments reflecting that negatively.
I noticed that, too. I think that was my final straw in being fed up with the message board. Sure, sure, honesty. But wow, what a bunch of whiners! What are they - five years old? I think it was remarkable (not expected - not something he owed us) when he wrote letters to the fans. That he doesn't anymore does not affect my perception of him. It's not about me, or any of us. It was a nice thing he did, not just once but at least twice that I recall; why can't we just be satisfied and leave it at that?
I've found that it's a good idea to keep in mind that, 90% of the time, what other people do is about them, not me. It's saved me a lot of time, wondering what is wrong, or what I did, or how I can make it better, or how I can be more a part of their lives. And, since I'm one of those people who doesn't talk a lot (hard to believe, I know, since I teach speech and I can't seem to shut up once I get on here, but true nonetheless), I realize that my silence can be misleading, especially to people I've just met or those who don't think a lot of themselves (so they always assume others share their low opinions of themselves). But I'm pretty easy (heh, heh. Not that way). If I'm mad, I say so. If I'm happy, I say so. If I have something to say, I say it. If I don't, I say nothing. I guess that's not enough for some people, but I do not operate according to others' perceptions - no one does - that would be impossible, and even if it were possible, unneccesarily exhausting.
It is especially exhausting to try to make sense of someone's perceptions when they are really nothing but paranoid delusions, as in the case of the previously mentioned friend. My behavior toward her had not changed; it was just her perception. I actually had to explain to her that, if I'm in a new apartment, and I have stuff in a kajillion boxes to unpack and put to place before I have guests (of whom she is a part, don't ya know) on Friday morning, that's what I'm going to spend my time doing, and it doesn't mean anything other than I want to unpack and get settled as soon as possible. Then I called her self-absorbed and said goodbye. Probably not my highest, shining moment of conflict management, but I think I got my point across.
I don't know if that had anything to do with your comment, but it felt good to vent anyway. :)
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Date: 2004-08-12 03:09 am (UTC)He used to put up letters to his fans. Now he doesn't. And I saw a few break out with comments reflecting that negatively.
I noticed that, too. I think that was my final straw in being fed up with the message board. Sure, sure, honesty. But wow, what a bunch of whiners! What are they - five years old? I think it was remarkable (not expected - not something he owed us) when he wrote letters to the fans. That he doesn't anymore does not affect my perception of him. It's not about me, or any of us. It was a nice thing he did, not just once but at least twice that I recall; why can't we just be satisfied and leave it at that?
I've found that it's a good idea to keep in mind that, 90% of the time, what other people do is about them, not me. It's saved me a lot of time, wondering what is wrong, or what I did, or how I can make it better, or how I can be more a part of their lives. And, since I'm one of those people who doesn't talk a lot (hard to believe, I know, since I teach speech and I can't seem to shut up once I get on here, but true nonetheless), I realize that my silence can be misleading, especially to people I've just met or those who don't think a lot of themselves (so they always assume others share their low opinions of themselves). But I'm pretty easy (heh, heh. Not that way). If I'm mad, I say so. If I'm happy, I say so. If I have something to say, I say it. If I don't, I say nothing. I guess that's not enough for some people, but I do not operate according to others' perceptions - no one does - that would be impossible, and even if it were possible, unneccesarily exhausting.
It is especially exhausting to try to make sense of someone's perceptions when they are really nothing but paranoid delusions, as in the case of the previously mentioned friend. My behavior toward her had not changed; it was just her perception. I actually had to explain to her that, if I'm in a new apartment, and I have stuff in a kajillion boxes to unpack and put to place before I have guests (of whom she is a part, don't ya know) on Friday morning, that's what I'm going to spend my time doing, and it doesn't mean anything other than I want to unpack and get settled as soon as possible. Then I called her self-absorbed and said goodbye. Probably not my highest, shining moment of conflict management, but I think I got my point across.
I don't know if that had anything to do with your comment, but it felt good to vent anyway. :)