How to irritate your speech teacher
Jul. 31st, 2003 12:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coffeesnob318Almost everyone has to take a speech class in college, and this often fills people with fear and trembling. As a result, students apparently need a way to vent their angst and take it out on the person whose thankless job it is to teach the class. Here is a list of things you can do to irritate your speech teacher.
1. Bring your 8-year-old with you on your speech day. Make sure that the child is adorably dressed and groomed in order to effectively manipulate your instructor. As you enter the classroom, ask the instructor if it's ok to bring your daughter/son into class. I mean, what is she going to say? "No - you have to leave your defenseless and cute child out in the hall where just anyone can take her." Not going to happen. You're sure to gain compliance. For added effect, give the child something noisy to play with so that she can distract other speakers.
2. Ask dumbass things like "I didn't type my outline - is that ok?" or "How much time was my speech under?" - anything questioning the acceptableness of something that it's too late to change anyway. This makes you look like a concerned student, even though you know in your heart that the truth is that you are too irresponsible to follow even the simplest instructions.
3. Ask her to repeat information that she went over in nauseating detail and repetition in lecture.
4. Ask her any question that she's already answered for the previous five speakers, especially if the answer is obvious in the first place, such as "Now, which button on the remote turns the projector to a black screen?" Um...maybe the one that says "black screen???" She likes to explain the same thing twenty times in a row.
5. Lean on, clutch, or generally molest the podium. No, that doesn't look weird.
6. Let your cell phone ring during someone else's speech, especially if your instructor has a) specifically asked you not to do so in lecture, b) reminded you before class began to turn it off, and c) posted a reminder in the front of the classroom where everyone can see it.
7. Hand things out during your speech that are so interesting that your classmates are tempted to look at them during all subsequent speeches. Again, noisy something = added bonus.
8. When your speech demonstrates how to make a certain type of food, don't bring samples in individual containers for easy distribution as your instructor asked you to do. Bring it in one dish and insist at the end of your speech that everyone come up and get some. Take twice as long to do this as you took to actually give your speech. This way, students get a break from listening and lucky others even get to give their speeches and haul their visual aids to class another day, because it helps you run out of time for the rest of the class to speak.
9. Don't practice your speech ahead of time. It is always a nice surprise when your speech that's supposed to be 5-7 minutes is only 2 minutes long. That way, you get to showcase your bullshitting skills as you stammer and ramble through to the minimum time. No, that's not incredibly painful for an audience to have to sit through.
10. Forget a vital part of your speech (such as an outline or a visual aid) and whine loudly when your instructor takes off points for it. Phrases like "I didn't know," or "I was absent the day you went over that" are especially useful in this situation.
Follow these simple instructions, and you can be assured that your instructor will be sprinting for the nearest bar when your class is over.
1. Bring your 8-year-old with you on your speech day. Make sure that the child is adorably dressed and groomed in order to effectively manipulate your instructor. As you enter the classroom, ask the instructor if it's ok to bring your daughter/son into class. I mean, what is she going to say? "No - you have to leave your defenseless and cute child out in the hall where just anyone can take her." Not going to happen. You're sure to gain compliance. For added effect, give the child something noisy to play with so that she can distract other speakers.
2. Ask dumbass things like "I didn't type my outline - is that ok?" or "How much time was my speech under?" - anything questioning the acceptableness of something that it's too late to change anyway. This makes you look like a concerned student, even though you know in your heart that the truth is that you are too irresponsible to follow even the simplest instructions.
3. Ask her to repeat information that she went over in nauseating detail and repetition in lecture.
4. Ask her any question that she's already answered for the previous five speakers, especially if the answer is obvious in the first place, such as "Now, which button on the remote turns the projector to a black screen?" Um...maybe the one that says "black screen???" She likes to explain the same thing twenty times in a row.
5. Lean on, clutch, or generally molest the podium. No, that doesn't look weird.
6. Let your cell phone ring during someone else's speech, especially if your instructor has a) specifically asked you not to do so in lecture, b) reminded you before class began to turn it off, and c) posted a reminder in the front of the classroom where everyone can see it.
7. Hand things out during your speech that are so interesting that your classmates are tempted to look at them during all subsequent speeches. Again, noisy something = added bonus.
8. When your speech demonstrates how to make a certain type of food, don't bring samples in individual containers for easy distribution as your instructor asked you to do. Bring it in one dish and insist at the end of your speech that everyone come up and get some. Take twice as long to do this as you took to actually give your speech. This way, students get a break from listening and lucky others even get to give their speeches and haul their visual aids to class another day, because it helps you run out of time for the rest of the class to speak.
9. Don't practice your speech ahead of time. It is always a nice surprise when your speech that's supposed to be 5-7 minutes is only 2 minutes long. That way, you get to showcase your bullshitting skills as you stammer and ramble through to the minimum time. No, that's not incredibly painful for an audience to have to sit through.
10. Forget a vital part of your speech (such as an outline or a visual aid) and whine loudly when your instructor takes off points for it. Phrases like "I didn't know," or "I was absent the day you went over that" are especially useful in this situation.
Follow these simple instructions, and you can be assured that your instructor will be sprinting for the nearest bar when your class is over.
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-31 04:35 pm (UTC)I remember taking speech. I was so terrified that my bf (who was also in the class) and I actually had a shot of vodka before the class.
Shockingly, my teacher loved the speech and I wasn't mocked despite my accent (that gets bad when I'm nervous). *g*
no subject
Date: 2003-08-04 10:55 am (UTC)And I don't know why anyone would mock your accent - it's lovely. :)
mmmmmmm bar
Date: 2003-08-01 01:25 pm (UTC)Follow these simple instructions, and you can be assured that your instructor will be sprinting for the nearest bar when your class is over.
------------------
or the nearest hand gun - - cause you know they are legal - - is that why you had the no gun rule in the apartment???
- - and - -really - who needs a reason to go to the bar??? just go!
mardrit