coffeesnob318 | Getting bitchy in my old age

Something is in the water this week. I have said things to students that I've only said in my dreams. And not just to my own students. I shocked the hell out of one of my office mate's students this afternoon when she called (in my defense, this is the fourth time this week she's called him...when he's not in the office...grrr - high maintenance!!!). She said that she had missed the test on Monday (is it just me, or is this Thursday? Wait until you see the excuse that it took the brainchild three whole days to come up with), and she wanted to discuss the possibility of a make-up with him. Then she felt the need to tell me her sob story of how she had a flat tire on the way to class. Of course, she was quick to point out that the flat tire occurred around 9:30 a.m., trying to make it obvious that she had left home in plenty of time not only to make it on time to the 10:10 class to take her test, but, had her careful plans not gone awry, also to have been early. At this point (I did at least wait until she was through - that has to count for something, right?), I asked her how old she was, and she responded that she was 21. Then, out of thin air (even though it sounded like it was coming from me), there launched a barrage of exclamations that, while more colorful than I care to make them now, essentially communicated that there is no excuse for any 21-year-old not to be able to get a tire changed and still make it to class sometime within the TWO HOURS that the class is in session. When met with stunned silence, I assured her that I would pass on her message.

Not an isolated incident, my friends! As I was preparing my syllabus for the fall, I proofread my newly revised attendance policy. It reads, "Be in class. I do not cater to students who fail to attend by helping them catch up. I neither need nor want to hear excuses for your absences. I do not re-teach classes. I will not give you any information about notes. It does not matter to me how exceptional you think your excuse is. You are still responsible for knowing everything that happens in class, regardless of whether or not you bother to show up. Although I will have extra handouts (which you may get in my office during office hours, as I have more important things to do than carry them around with me), any additional information should be obtained from one of your classmates.

"The purpose of college is to train you for your future career and prepare you for the real world. The real world does not stop turning for your personal issues. In the real world, if you do not attend your job regularly, you will no longer have that job. Likewise, if you miss class more often than I deem necessary, you will no longer be enrolled in class."

Perhaps I should revise it? Jeez...who peed in my oatmeal?

I think this is it. Yep. Mark your calendars. I've officially become jaded.