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Uncle Oneal's Funeral
Apr. 2nd, 2009 07:34 amMy uncle died. He was 68. He was probably the uncle I was closest to; he's the one I saw the most often. He'd been sick for a while. He'd get better, then worse. We were prepared for his death - as prepared as you can be to say goodbye to someone you're used to having around, that is.
Saturday, we had the funeral. There were sad and happy tears.
Sad tears:
- The open casket. Some people require seeing the body for closure. I am not one of those people. Freaks me out a little, actually. My aunt is one of those people, though. So open casket it was. *shudders*
- Seeing my Aunt Gale in pain.
- Processing alone. There are some kinds of hurt that I can't work out with words. Sometimes the only comfort is just being held for a very long time. I'm tired of having no one to hold me.
Happy tears:
- Seeing a small town rally around Aunt Gale to support her. She's well taken care of.
- Drivers who pull over to the side of the road out of respect while the funeral procession passes. That's one of the only things I miss about living in a small town. I love that people still do this.
- Getting alone time with my sister on the way to Childress and back.
I discovered something disturbing Saturday - I'm getting less and less fond of going home. Since Tammy got married, I feel more like an outsider in my family than I ever have before. Matt is the son my dad has always wanted - they have the same hobbies, political views and hangups. This is great for Tammy - I couldn't think of a better person for her - but it makes me anxious about thoughts of my future possible husband. A guy who would be a good match for me most likely will not match up to Matt with my family. I'd be dragging him into my outsider-ness. So in addition to my feeling like the least favorite, I'd also be trying to act as liaison for the guy. These fears are probably all in my head, and the family would probably be horrified to hear it, but I feel it all the same.
Saturday, we had the funeral. There were sad and happy tears.
Sad tears:
- The open casket. Some people require seeing the body for closure. I am not one of those people. Freaks me out a little, actually. My aunt is one of those people, though. So open casket it was. *shudders*
- Seeing my Aunt Gale in pain.
- Processing alone. There are some kinds of hurt that I can't work out with words. Sometimes the only comfort is just being held for a very long time. I'm tired of having no one to hold me.
Happy tears:
- Seeing a small town rally around Aunt Gale to support her. She's well taken care of.
- Drivers who pull over to the side of the road out of respect while the funeral procession passes. That's one of the only things I miss about living in a small town. I love that people still do this.
- Getting alone time with my sister on the way to Childress and back.
I discovered something disturbing Saturday - I'm getting less and less fond of going home. Since Tammy got married, I feel more like an outsider in my family than I ever have before. Matt is the son my dad has always wanted - they have the same hobbies, political views and hangups. This is great for Tammy - I couldn't think of a better person for her - but it makes me anxious about thoughts of my future possible husband. A guy who would be a good match for me most likely will not match up to Matt with my family. I'd be dragging him into my outsider-ness. So in addition to my feeling like the least favorite, I'd also be trying to act as liaison for the guy. These fears are probably all in my head, and the family would probably be horrified to hear it, but I feel it all the same.
